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I've been home several weeks now, and I must say, why all the hype about re-entry being tough? Why waste four days in debriefing? I've come home to Virginia, to live with my parents for a couple months. I haven't spent much time at home in six years and got saved while away. I would rather be in North Carolina in my home church, but I had hoped to build a stronger relationship with my folks and be a witness along the way. No one in my family is in love with Jesus. So, back to my charmed re-entry.
My brother picked me up from the airport, nice guy. He seemed VERY interested, but it didn't work out that we got to talk much cause he took me to see the new "Star Wars" movie. Go force, go good guys, yippee...
My mother picks me up the next day, and drives me 2.5 hours home- spoke of this and that, people's problems and that's about it (it's nice to be informed you see). No questions for me. Of course not, what could I possibly say, I've only been gone 8 months.
So now I've been at home, pulling weeds, digging post holes, planting, sanding, painting, every day, you know- all the glamorous good stuff. At times, when my back is about to break from diggin through my 50th root, my mind wanders to friends and places heard of in months past- and I thank God that at least I am not in a place like Tahiti- I'd hate to be in one of those yards. Picking up all those pesky shells, and those behemoth flowers, blinding you with those bright colors, gagging you with their fragrant aroma. Woooaahh, watch out for those juicy pomegranates, that drop out of trees without warning, possibly puttin a stain in your clothes you won't get out till Jesus comes back. OK, I'm back. As I was saying, praise the Lord.
The truth is, I like it out in the yard, just me and JC, singin tunes, breakin bread together like every lunch break is our last supper. It's better than inside, gettin comments from my mother like, she should have sent me to such and such place when I was 18. Then I wouldn't have "lost my religion." And on about how it's "demonic", and "the devil that did it to me." And you know, all the pleasant stuff like, "you're tearing the family apart." Everything a son loves to hear after being gone 8 months. But I soon get my chance to worm my shameless, smiling face in on her- as we'll work together for about three weeks on some rooms in the house.
You see, my older sister is coming home in about two weeks, and will be getting married in late August. Hence all my timely efforts around the house. And my other sister's here too. So, two sisters, my folks, all kinds of friends and relatives coming, and one demonic long haired freak with hours and hours of video from Africa to shove down their throats. Just kidding and woops- actually I cut my nappy Sumo wrestler hairdo. Praisealujah.
The truth is, things are pretty good here. Thanks to one of those many priceless impartations given in lecture phase, we now know it's the false expectations that set ya up for a pounding. And I pretty much knew what to expect. Furthermore, I don't know of any churches in this area nor have any Christian friends, but my time with the Lord has been more and more exciting. So much so, that I really cherish this isolation. And I think the work that I am able to due is a blessing for my parents, and at some point they'll really appreciate it. But perhaps one discouraging aspect that I didn't account for, is my persona during all of this.
I am a little worried about my personality. I had hoped to be a cheerful and pleasant witness, working diligently for my parents. But I can't identify with them at all. My interests are far different. I can't really converse about spiritual things, my priorities are different, and I am finding I am devoid of any humor that bridges the gap. In essence, I am a boring, lifeless, manservant. I never expected it to be that way and it is quite disconcerting. I wouldn't even want to be around ME! That's a little daunting in my "effective witness" but hey, the more I get my eyes off what I can do the more Jesus can work. AMEN?!... HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH?!... AMEN!
No but seriously, I battle those thoughts- but I know it's the Spirit that's gonna need to work, and is. It's not like I am terribly persecuted, my mom may be hurt but the rest of my family just doesn't understand. I can't blame them. So, that leaves me here, in Virginia, till my sister gets married August 14.
Now, imagine this were a TV show and the camera quickly switched over to another location with the twinkling of a bell. I will now relate to you the situation in my other home, my apartment in North Carolina, close to my home church and what I call my Spiritual home.
Perhaps I should preface this by saying that my three wonderful roommates are just your ordinary young men, conducting ordinary business perhaps a bit sold out for the Lord. If you think them a little strange- just know that they have a huge crush on Jesus. Last winter they got rid of their beds and now sleep on the floor. They cut the heat off in the winter and use no AC in the summer. (summers can be around 35 degrees C.) Basically they don't wanna get soft, they know they are called to missions. This doesn't catch me completely off guard as before I left it wasn't uncommon for us to conduct nightly sessions of " martyr training."
Basically one guy gets in the middle and the rest of us pound on him. If you don't join in, (which at first I was hesitant to do as Rob is a national wrestling champion), you get pummeled yourself. It is mostly a joke but we had to quit as word got out in the church and college ministry. People were a little worried. We thought it might not be good for the new converts to hear about. Our apartment now has even more of an early church demeanor. No TV, food and material things are shared freely, and our doors are open to anyone. And believe me, we've had our share of strange people and some dangerous episodes. They tell me they've been doing more and more open air preaching on the college campus. Praise the Lord!
By the way, at this moment they are smuggling Bibles across the border from Hong Kong to mainland China. It is estimated that for every one Bible, 5 Chinese get saved!!!! The no bed sleeping on the floor thing sounds a bit extreme, but two of them feel called to Tibet, the other China. They realize that imprisonment is a real possibility and they want to continue to deny their flesh as much as possible. I can't argue with that. We have had several Chinese members of our church imprisoned. So, anyway, that's my other family- and they are about as encouraging, loyal, loving friends a man can have. I am incredibly thankful and humbled that the Lord took such a sinner like me, restored my soul and gave me the immediate privilege to live with men of God such as they.
They will be back the middle of August, and I'll be through with my sister's wedding, so I am making plans to move back to North Carolina.
I am still unclear of Gods intentions for me. I haven't been called to full time ministry yet, which I am open to, so I will seek to employ myself for a year and then reassess. I have a couple good contacts for corporate sales, which Iv'e seemed to have a knack for in the past. I am a little worried about spending so much of my waking hours in secular industry, but I must be obedient. Conveniently, it's a much better witness to my parents that I work, then lay down my career for ministry- as opposed to flittin back after my yearlong vacation and continuing to escape the real world by jumpin in some crazy ministry to fill my insecurity- which is basically how they see it. I still need critical growth in certain areas and I plan to continue training through my church.
They have a school called Victory Leadership Institute, which is quite challenging. So I am excited to see what God does. I can't see myself never doing missions again, even if it is short term. I pray I'll have the privilege.
Well my stream of consciousness is coming to a close, some things you did and most things you didn't need or want to hear about me. I figure it was worth the ramblings considering it is the first email I have written, and no telling if it is the last. They are far and few between as a few of you have figured out. So I would love to hear from you if you wish, but if you expect a prompt reply, perhaps you should hold off. Sorry, I am working on that situation. Each of you in our DTS, "the greatest blessing ever" or something like that, are still fondly in my thoughts. I am amazed at how many incredible, unique, lovable people were in our DTS. Really, it is astonishing to me. And I praise God for the remarkable people our staff are. I love you all-
I pray that out of His glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have the power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. (Paul)
In His Grip,
Hans
PS : And please pray for my parents. The truth is I love em like crazy...